Change The Beliefs That Cause You Pain
If you could radically change how you relate to your ex by changing your beliefs, would you do it? Would you be willing to release your hardened views about who he is, how he should/shouldn’t behave, and what kind of man/father he is? Underlying all our beliefs are dozens of thoughts. If we want to believe something new, we must replace these thoughts with new ones.
Right now you probably believe that co-parenting is the worst experience, that your ex is horrible, and that your kids are suffering and so are you. These beliefs are built on thoughts like I hate having to talk to my ex about anything; he’s so uncooperative and passive aggressive; he’s a narcissist; my kids cry when it’s time to go to his house; he’s not a good father; my life would be so much better if he wasn’t in it.
You’re convinced this story is absolutely true and probably doubt that it will ever change.
But, what if you could believe a different story—one that includes much less pain and suffering?
You have to start by examining all your current thoughts about co-parenting. Then, you have to figure out what new thoughts would give you a new belief.
If you wanted to believe that co-parenting was hard, but manageable–what new thoughts would you need to think? If you wanted to believe that your kids were developing strength and resiliency through this experience–what thoughts would those be? Can you change your negative belief about your ex to a more neutral one?
New thoughts need repetition to take root. It takes commitment to replace well-worn thoughts with new thoughts. Our brain likes to be efficient, so it automatically generates thoughts we think most frequently. Even the smallest shift in our thinking can alter our beliefs enough to bring more peace and less stress, more confidence and less worry.
Everything is working out as it should; my kids are living the life they’re supposed to have; my ex was always going to be this way; I have my own back; I will find the solutions I need; it was meant to happen the way it did; I don’t have to let my ex control my emotions; there is nothing wrong with me.
Consider the effect your current beliefs have on your life. If they are not serving you, change them by changing your thoughts. Commit to this process and see how life shifts.