How to Create the Future We Want
As a life coach I teach that our thoughts create our feelings, which in turn determine the actions we take or don’t take. Ultimately these actions determine what kind of life we have. Clients need practice in identifying the specific thoughts that are behind the feelings they have. We weren’t taught to examine our thoughts by our parents, nor by our teachers. So we’re not conscious of the hundreds of thoughts we think daily that support the programming we gained growing up in our particular background/culture.
So, if we are not happy with our life and wish to make it better–in any way–then we need to study the connection between our thoughts and feelings. Consider our outlook on life would change based on the difference between these two thoughts: “Divorce is a horrible situation, and my kids are going to suffer” vs. “Divorce is a life passage that leads to incredible growth and my kids will thrive no matter what.”
All thoughts are 100% optional. You can pick any thought you want to think. The reason we don’t is because of our beliefs, which manufacture thoughts using words like “should” “always” “never” “must” and “can’t” in them. “People should stay married for their kids” “That will never work out for me because…” “In order to be successful you must..” We each have our own thoughts about what is right, wrong, possible, impossible, correct, incorrect, etc.
When you divorce and become a single parent you must create a new future for yourself. The one you were building with your ex no longer exists. To create something new, it’s self-defeating to look back since it hasn’t existed in the past.To believe something new, we need to think thoughts that are new, ones that generate feelings of motivation, determination, excitement, confidence, acceptance, willingness…and so many others that are productive and not destructive.
If you want to kick ass as a single parent, develop a peaceful relationship with your ex-husband or successfully blend two families, you will need to create the belief that it’s possible to do so. It takes practice and patience to think new thoughts, but with time and repetition you will suddenly realize your life is changing, you are seeing things in new way, and the future will not be a repeat of the past.