How Our Beliefs Keep Us Stuck

 In America

Our beliefs shape how we experience everything in our lives. Most of the time we’re not even aware of certain beliefs because we’ve held them since childhood. When we take time to examine our beliefs and understand how they govern our thoughts and expectations we may discover that they are the source of “problems” we’re experiencing. Not the circumstances themselves.


Notice how often you express beliefs as “facts”. “Because of x…y should happen”. But, two people can look at the same set of “facts” and develop entirely different beliefs.  When you break it down, our beliefs translate into a bundle of thoughts in our mind which affect how we feel. This is all well and good when our beliefs are confirmed for us in a positive way, but what happens when our beliefs just don’t line up with the reality we’re facing?
Here are some beliefs I hear expressed amongst my clients:
  •         Fathers should care for their children
  •         Fathers should help raise their children
  •         Fathers should never be mean or spiteful
  •        Co-parenting shouldn’t be this hard
  •        My ex should act rationally
  •        My children should have a loving Dad.
These beliefs keep them in constant emotional turmoil because they don’t match the reality they face. Their exes ARE absent, volatile, unreliable, spiteful.  We may fight to give up our beliefs because they seem so “true,” but this will just keep us in pain and misery. Since we can choose to believe whatever we want to believe, how much more productive would it be to align our beliefs with the facts of our life?
  •          Not all fathers care for their children
  •          Not all fathers help raise their children
  •          Some fathers are mean and spiteful
  •         Co-parenting can be hard
When we stop resistingwhat is, we allow ourselves to re-calibrate and regroup. Then we can create a new set of beliefs that serve us better and foster emotional freedom, such as “I’m a strong woman and I can handle anything;” “My children have me and will become strong, resilient adults, regardless of how their father behaves.” If you want to create a different future, you must believe something new. You make a decision to replace your old thoughts with new thoughts. And you practice them, so that your brain becomes adept at turning out these new thoughts automatically. This is how you build a life rooted in peace and confidence. You are so worth it.

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